NaNoWriMo Once again

Can you tell I am avoiding the actual nanowrimo writing? I mean I am sitting here thinking about blogging instead of writing something for nanowrimo. I am really bad. This year the self doubt is keeping the keyboard, and pen from my fingers. I really wonder why I feel like I should do some writing. Obviously, no one is ever going to read anything that I write. But then why write? I have always been driven to do so. But not very successful is fighting that inner demon critic.

Why do this, not like you are going to make money on it?

Shouldn't you be doing something more productive with your time?

- - Isn't there housework or cleaning you can do instead?

How can I justify spending time at a computer or with a notebook and allowing al the other things I am supposed to take care of just for some foolish venture into writing something.

Oh, the idea of 50,000 works is way too much for me. And normally when I sat down to the computer, or iPad i would end up surfing around the internet with out actually getting any sort of writing done. Now I can fly on a keyboard when I set my mind to it. When I am really in the zone, I just look off into the distance and allow my fingers to ust do their thing. They pound out my words onto the screen and create a visualization of my thoughts. I love it when that actually happens. But to get into that space i have to set aside all other distractions. And I will tell you what, that isn't easy for me.  Plus then lets add into that negative self talk that I mentioned above and I am doomed.

So my plans for this year is to write it. I have new lovey fountain pens, and I have a stash (hoard) of pocket moleskine cahier notebooks. I want to fill at least 1 with my words for the month. That is a goal of two pages a day. Yes, I realize that shorts myself down to  20% of most folks on nanowrimo. I calculated that I should amass about 9500 words with one notebook. I have about 57 words for 9 lines, and there are 22 lines per page (24 if I use the top and bottom "half" lines) So that gives me 9475.67 words as a guess. Now I do not have to stop at one notebook, but it is my start and anything beyond that is going to be sheer bonus.

Now to battle those inner negative thoughts, and actually start to figure out jsut what to write. NOt sure what story I have in me this time, but I have 60 words started for this morning, and its only November 1 - time for coffee.