I was looking up some writing quotes and this one came up. Then it really got me thinking. Writing has always been something I have desired. More than anything I have ever wanted in my life. I don't know if I ever wanted something more. But here is my thing - I don't have a story. I don't live in a land of make-believe. Putting a world on the page has not been a skill set I have ever really managed. Then I get that meanie in my head that constantly tells me, "What's the point?" You are wasting y our time. No one gives a crap what you have to say. That meanie isn't very nice.
Instead of shutting her out, I listen and give in. Once in awhile I can fly under the radar and I manage to spew something that resembles a blog post. But I have do to it fast. Before that editor - self doubt - gets in my way and nothing is said.
So if you ever come across this blog, you will find errors. English was not my major in college - so grammar and spelling will be lacking. Although I do try to be coherent, that could be questionable at times as well.
My thoughts are not overly processed. I have them when they come, and I have to release the flood gates and allow them to flow. Or they will never happen. I blog how I journal. Granted I journal far more often than I blog. The evidence is seen here by how often I post.
So - then - what is my story - that only I can tell? I think this is either buried so deep I may never find it, or just maybe I am a fool and one does not exist for me. if that is the case, then why do I have this overwhelming passion to write?
What do I have to say that hasn't been already said?
I am a voice among millions. There are better writers out there, and far more blogs with better content than I can produce. This is blog has been my avenue to vehicle myself out there. But I don't know how well that is going. This blog has always been one scary ride for me.
I am already sensing this is yet another post of whining.
What is blocking me from doing this? Do I just need to give this up? Hang my hair - allow it to gather dust. Frankly - that seems to be the case at this point. I suppose I sought out some sort of confirmation or recognition that this is a worth while pursuit. But that's not a valid enough reason. I should just do this for me. My own feelings of accomplishment should be fulfilling enough. I guess I lack that as well.
So, where is my story? Should I continue to seek it out, or finally get off the pot - and flush.
3 comments:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Mishelle. I tend to agree that everyone has a story to tell and it's a matter of finding where your passion lies. Clearly you are passionate about writing, self-proclaimed even. I think it's good to be asking these questions and partaking in the experience of finding your way and what works best for you. Are you hoping to write fiction or non-fiction?
I can really only speak from the narrowness of my experiences, but I'll share them in case there is some relatable aspects of it. I too have always enjoyed writing and it fell by the wayside for many years due to my perfectionism and not finding the perfect topic. Eventually I came up with the focus of my blog as something I am passionate about and realized that I currently don't have the drive or focus for a book and that's ok. It's where I am personally. Our inner editors can be real assholes at times wanting everything to be perfect, but we must remind ourselves that this isn't how art works. We begin, develop our craft through wins and failures, and be kind to ourselves as we learn. Often times we can be our harshest critics and sometimes unmerited. I don't think I am an amazing writer, but I enjoy the process, and that's what matters. It's nice that others enjoy what I share and challenge my perspectives on the quality of my writing and what I have to say. Again it's a process.
I'm not sure if any of this is helpful in your self discovery process. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and know that if you ever need a sounding board feel free to contact me. I know that those who helped me build some inertia were a huge part in me even getting to the point I am today, however feeble it may be.
THanks for the input, I appreciate it . I have written a few stories, but never found the direction they needed to go. One I have completed, to a point. But there is a part of it still missing. And I am not sure I can put those words down. Many years ago I did nanowrimo but then was told I was wasting my time. And that record has been playing every since. As soon as I published this - and tweeted its location my heart was racing. I'm glad that I didn't hit delete, because otherwise, I would not have gotten your encouraging words. Thanks.
Absolutely. I'm sorry to hear about someone telling you that it was a waste of time. It can be so easy for us to internalize the naysayers and the negative perceptions that we inhibit ourselves and set up impossible expectations that no one can reach. Every writer started somewhere. It's a craft to develop. I'm so glad you shared your thoughts, and it was an insightful post because it is what you are experiencing (and probably many others in a similar fashion). I included a quote that is also really pertinent to this topic and has been really inspirational for me too. I hope you enjoy it.
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." ~Theodore Roosevelt
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