Christmas spirit

All during the Christmas season I had. A difficult time getting into the Christmas spirit. I did not feel the joy of the financial obligation to buy things. I thought about making things, but then thwarted we the idea that no one would enjoy my culinary skills. Just really left me feeling quite lost among all the holiday cheer that was around me.  Then I got sick before Christmas came around. That was really a struggle because I felt guilty that I was depriving my loved ones joy of receiving something from me. Especially didn't want to create a depressing mood for my child. This should be a time of fun and joy for children, and I did not want to deprive anyone that. There was just no way that I could do any shopping. Hubby stepped up and had wonderful gift ideas, and he played Santa this year by doing all the shopping. I did pitch in with a few amazon.com finds that topped off the holiday haul.

Christmas music bugged me all month long. I wanted to listen to Christian music but not Christmas music. That was hard to fin d on the radio in my car. I did find a station to listen town when I was feeling well, which was before I got so sick. That helped my mood some, but when they would throwin. A song here and revere I would just turn off the radio. I spend a great deal of time in my car, so it is nice Otha ve something to listen to.

Christmas Eve came and all was quiet in my house.  All were sleeping so early that night, including all the creatures.  I thought to see if the church we enjoy was broadcasting their eve service online. That was as if a moment I was being spoken to, and onto the computer I went. Sure enough the 7pm service was streaming and I sat down to watch it. All the lights were down low, and the tree was light up so colorful. (As a child I would lay under our tree, at night, and just look up at the lights) the songs came on, and it touched me. Tears were streaming down my face. In fact they were burning my eyes. To think about the manger, and that precious babe laid to slumber on that night. That right there is the reason for the season. I have known and felt that all along. But I think that it depresses me that all that meaning and love is lost on how much money I have to spend on others. It should not be about gifts I can get. Alright I know some thing it's about the joy of just giving to others and how that makest hem happy should make me happy. But where are the meaningful and thoughtful things that really do that and still keep focus on Him? I feel like I am bombarded by commercialism and commerce that it's the joy of $$$ not the birth of our savior.  

But that Christmas Eve service did my soul good, I was blessed and touched and filled  with memories  and reminders of where my focus should lay. Right there upon the king sized bed, where a babe rested that would become the one that saves us all.